Dark Secret - Feehan Christine - Страница 71
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She winced visibly. "There you go, Rafael. No, I wouldn't have managed and that tells me something important. It isn't normal not to be able to go a few days without seeing someone. Or feeling them inside your head. That's where you are, inside my head, and I can't get you out. It isn't right."
"How do you know what is right? You purposely keep our relationship physical. You do not touch my mind to find out who and what I am. You do not want to know."
His tone was mild but her stomach tightened at the way he kept watching her. She suddenly realized she was completely alone in the ranch house and he had arranged it that way. "You keep it physical, Rafael. The way you look at me and touch me. You're a very physical man and you don't take no for an answer, not when you want me."
"Well, at least we understand one another," he said.
"No, we don't," she burst out. She paced the length of the room and then swung back to confront him. "You act so calm, like everything is normal, Rafael. You tried to kill me. Okay, let's just say for the moment we put aside you ripping the heart out of a man's chest and the fireball you pulled from the sky. We'll just shelve that for the moment and go right to the fact that you nearly killed me. I saw it in your eyes. You might have killed Juan as well."
Rafael's dark gaze met hers. "That is true."
"You told me you could never harm your lifemate. If I'm that person, how is it possible? Your own words make you a liar, or very much mistaken about this entire thing." He had scared her to death. Even now, just thinking about it made her go cold with fear.
"In order for you to understand how such a thing is possible, I have to tell you about myself and my brothers. Even when we were young, not yet two hundred years, we knew we were different from most other Carpathian males. We challenged every rule, pushed every limit. We reveled in our power and strength and when the prince gave us orders, we obeyed, but we questioned. Zacarias was our acknowledged leader, first and always before our prince."
"So you were the bad boys of the community."
"More than bad boys. We chafed at the restraints placed on our kind. Our closest friends were the Malinov brothers. They played rough the way we did, reveled in battle, in challenge, and we had long discussions on why our species should be dominant over mankind. We knew we had power and it seemed wrong to us to allow our prince to keep our strengths secret. As we grew in strength, fighting the vampires and learning our craft as warriors, we grew closer together and questioned the authority of our leadership. We even discussed overthrowing the Dubrinsky family and taking over leadership."
Colby sank back into a chair, her legs rubbery. Nothing he had said so far was giving her confidence in him and their relationship. "You actually plotted to overthrow your ruler?"
"In an interesting discussion kind of way. It happened over a long period of time before any of us thought about it seriously. Eventually, the night our prince sent us away from our homeland with no chance of ever finding a lifemate-at least that was what we thought then-we did discuss turning vampire and whether we would be strong enough as a unit to keep from turning on one another as vampires do. We could separate and scatter to recruit others of our kind, using one code name. That way, it would appear as if the same person was in several places at once."
Colby thought of the horrific monster holding Paul in front of him, sinking his teeth deep into her brother, the mutated creatures undulating all around him. She pressed her hands to her stomach. "Where does the part where I understand come in?"
"I am trying to tell you our natures were darker, more animalistic, even more predatory than many Carpathians. It has only been the fact that my brothers and I have remained close, that we had a pact with one another and have kept to it. We did discuss these things, but in the end, it came down to one thing. Honor. We refused to live without honor. The Malinov brothers felt the same way. Our decision did not make it easier for us to conform to the rules. I have a predatory nature. You have not committed your life to mine. I need you as an anchor; I need that commitment from you so that our souls can fully merge."
She jumped up. "Now you're blaming me for what happened. Your predatory nature might just rear its ugly head again and next time you'll kill me, or Paul, or my sister."
A slow hiss of impatience accompanied his exhale. "I have told you things I have never told any other person and yet you do not see that in sharing this shameful part of myself, I was giving you a gift. You would never have found it buried deep inside of me. I chose to be honest. Nicolas is right, there is no other way than force with you."
She moistened her dry lips with the tip of her tongue. He was seething beneath his deceptively lazy demeanor, a swirling cauldron of heat and fire. He made her burn just looking at him. His eyes smoldered one moment, were icy cold the next. Colby let her breath out slowly. "What are you going to do?" She hated that her voice came out a whisper.
"Fortunately for you, your good friend the sheriff has arrived without you calling him. You have gained another reprieve?'
Relief swept through her instantly. She sank back down into the chair. She had no idea the tension in her had coiled so tightly. She blinked and he was no longer at the wall near the doorway, but crouched at her feet, looking up at her. "Be very careful with this man, Colby. I am angry beyond your imagining and I need you in more ways than you think. I would not want an innocent man to suffer because you push me too far."
She twisted her fingers together. Perversely, a part of her was disappointed and she was honest enough to recognize the fact. She was drowning in her body's need for him. Her mind wanted to touch his. She ached for him and wanted his arms around her. Holding herself apart from him was difficult and wearing. "Don't hurt Ben," she whispered.
His fingers caught her chin in a firm grip. "Then do not do anything to set me off. Admit I am not human. Let yourself admit that much and it will become easier to accept that I do not have entirely human characteristics. I was born and bred a hunter, a seeker of prey. It is what I do and what I live to do. Every instinct I have is that of a predator."
"Okay." Her gaze shifted away from him. "You aren't helping your cause. Why do you deliberately try to scare me? I'm already afraid."
"Because you should be afraid. You are not facing a civilized man who understands the laws and abides by them. Our own laws, based on our predatory makeup, rule us. If I do not do what my instincts tell me I must, I endanger too many people. Weighing that against your reluctance, when I know in the end the outcome will be the same…"
"You don't know that," she interrupted, attempting to jerk away from his tight grip. She was always astonished at his strength, yet he never seemed to hurt her, even when he was rough. His touch sent butterflies winging in her stomach.
"I do know it. The only way it will change will be if I am dead."
His words took her breath. Sent a dark dread creeping through her body. She blinked away tears, hating that just the thought of his death tore at her emotions.
The knock on the kitchen door was loud but brief. Ben's voice called out to her. "Colby? You home? Doc said you had a bad cut on your leg and the vet said the horse was drugged." He was walking through the house.
Rafael scowled his distaste at the easy familiarity of the other man. He reluctantly allowed Colby to pull her chin away from his hand and stood up, looking more a jungle cat than ever.
"I'm in the living room, Ben," Colby answered, her gaze on Rafael. She couldn't look away if she tried. He was too overpowering, filling the room with his presence, breathing all the air and taking up all the space.
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