Double Clutch - Реинхардт Лиз - Страница 41

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“Yeah.” His voice was hard.

We sat for a minute, and the quiet tempted us to say all those things that we weren’t really ready or able to say. Finally I broke through the swirl of unsaid emotions with a watered-down version of a few things I’d been thinking. “Let’s just be friends. Maybe you’re so used to getting girls to like you romantically that you think that’s what you want from me.” Where was this coming from? Probably mostly from the fact that he had softened me with all of his embarrassing confessions. And maybe there was a tiny sliver of plain attraction; not the intense amorous kind I felt for Jake, but an attraction, nonetheless.

“I think it’s a fairly shitty idea, but let’s try it. At this point, I’m willing to go along with anything.”

“Karen Tanner will be rolling around with you before you know it,” I promised. “There’s nothing particularly awesome about me, Saxon. Once I’m not so unattainable you’ll back off.”

“I hope so. Look, let’s go to Jake’s thing together and then we’ll all go to Folly. As friends.” He added an extra sneer to the last word, just for good measure.

I didn’t want to touch that offer with a ten-foot pole. “You and Jake aren’t really friends, though. Won’t it be really weird?”

“I’m sure he needs a ride there anyway. His old man isn’t going to bother to take him. There’s some unresolved stuff between me and Jake. Maybe it’s time to resolve it.”

“What is it that makes you hate each other?” It had bothered me since the movies, but I couldn’t get a thing out of Jake. Bringing up Saxon’s name practically guaranteed he would be in a foul mood.

“Mostly stuff we never said, misunderstood stuff. Nothing serious. Nothing I can’t smooth over.” The words were all cocky bravado. I heard a hint of uncertainty underneath them. As strangely attractive as Saxon could be when he was arrogant and swaggering, this weirdly human version was even more interesting. It was as if Saxon was peeling back a layer and letting me see something flesh and blood that he didn’t show to anyone else. I loved the sense that I shared some kind of secret with him.

“I still don’t think he’s going to be into you taking me to see him.” I tread carefully around his invitation. “I’m not really willing to upset him before a big race. It’s important to him.”

“Maybe you should talk to him about it,” Saxon challenged.

That’s exactly what it was. A pure challenge. He knew I was uncomfortable about it, and he wanted to call me out on my I’m nobody’s girl but my own rant.

“I will.” I realized just how easy it was for Saxon to manipulate me into doing what he wanted. It was not a pleasant realization. “I need to call him soon anyway. We have other things to talk about.” I just wanted the conversation with Saxon to be over. He made me think way too much, and it was unnerving. Talking to him wasn’t comfortable, even if it was exciting. I got off of the phone with him as quickly as I could, but I could hear the laughter in his voice as we hung up. He knew exactly what he was doing, and he enjoyed it.

I called Jake’s number, even though I knew he’d probably literally walked through the door from work that exact minute. I didn’t like calling before he had time to shower or relax for a few minutes. It seemed somehow desperate. But today I made an exception. And in Jake’s typical fashion, he didn’t seem upset to hear from me at all.

“Hey Brenna! You called me early.”

“Sorry.” I felt the sinking in my heart. How was I going to put this to him? Saxon had snared me in an old trap; if I didn’t ask and just told Saxon no, he would assume, correctly, that I’d chickened out. If I did ask…well, that was its own distinct craziness.

“Don’t be sorry. I love hearing from you. Call any time you want to.”

“Thanks,” I said. Then, awkwardly, I added, “So I don’t have a lot of details about your race. What’s up with it?”

It was like I opened up a flood gate. Jake talked faster than I’d ever heard him talk before. He said he’d been preparing in his free time, this race was a huge deal, and he was really excited I would be able to be there to see him. That it meant so much to him that I would be there to support him.

And that’s when I had to drop the bomb on him.

“So, how are you getting there?” I closed my eyes and winced at his frustrated silence.

He finally said the obvious. “You need a ride.” He wasn’t offering because he couldn’t. I’d never met anyone so worried about the fact he couldn’t drive.

“Not exactly.” I twisted the corner of my comforter. “I have a ride. Kind of.”

He waited with typical Jake-like patience.

“With Saxon.” Even as the words left my mouth, I wondered if I should mention it. Mom could still veto the whole thing; but this afternoon’s insanity gave me the feeling it was unlikely. She had really taken a strange liking to Saxon. That and her desire to see me go out with friends more would probably push her towards saying yes. How weird to be upset that my mom was most likely going to give me permission to go hang out all day Saturday.

Jake exhaled in one long, irritated whoosh of air. But he didn’t say anything.

“Say something.” I really didn’t know what I wanted him to say. I didn’t want him to be annoyed, but I could understand why he would be. I knew it would be strange to expect him to be cool with the whole thing, but it was a also a huge leap for him to ask me to understand why if he never gave me even the slightest detail about what had happened between him and Saxon.

And then he said something so un-Jake-like it shocked the words right out of my mouth.

“I’d rather you don’t come see me than show up with Saxon.”

I hadn’t expected him to go that far, and I felt hot boils of anger pop and sizzle right below the surface of my skin.

I finally managed to string a few words together. “You don’t want me to come if I get a ride from Saxon?” I clarified, fighting hard to keep my voice even and controlled. Because in a few more sentences, all of that control would be gone, and I knew it.

“That’s right.” His voice was granite hard.

That edge set me off. “I don’t know what the big secret is, but it’s getting obnoxious. Just tell me!”

“It’s not important.” He’d never spoken so sharply before. “Look, do what you want, Brenna. I can’t tell you what to do.”

I felt that annoying, cloying heat in my throat, the itch way in the back that let me know I was very close to crying.

“It is important.” My voice wobbled, to my complete humiliation. “We’re arguing about it, Jake, so I guess it’s pretty important. What is it?”

He let out a groan and just then I heard a light knock on my door. “I have to call you back.” I slid the phone off and looked intently at the mounds of paper and books piled on my bed so it would appear like I had been busy plowing through homework.

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