After Forever Ends - Ramone Melodie - Страница 67
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I was at the greengrocer’s when I finally did ring her. “Hello, Melissa?”
“Yes, this is.”
“Well, I know it’s you, you twit. Who else would answer Alexander’s home telephone?” I thought, but I said, “It’s Silvia. I’m dreadfully sorry for the way I behaved the other night. I was right awful and I didn’t need to be. I got my monthly the next day, maybe that had something to do with it, but it doesn’t matter. I want to apologize.”
“Oh, it’s OK,” She laughed, but it sounded forced. “I’m sorry, too. Maybe I was trying too hard. I didn’t mean to put you off. I get nervous and I don’t know how to act sometimes.”
“Listen,” I told her, “I know Alexander very well. He has no tolerance for stupidity. If he married you then you must have something special. Loads of girls have tried hard to peg him down and he tossed them off like rubbish. He chose to keep you on. It says a lot, it does.”
“Well, he has nothing but the best things to say about you.”
“That’s kind of him. I can be a bit of a cat, if you didn’t see.” Slight pause, “Has he taken you to meet his parents?”
“Not yet. Tonight.”
“Oh, heavens!” I rolled my eyes, “Do they know you’re married?”
“No, Alexander said not to tell them until we get there.”
“Alexander is a dolt,” I dropped the cucumber I was holding into my basket, “Listen to me carefully. Those two boys thrive on chaos and discord. Their parents are very conservative to say the least. How two people so by the book could have produced a pair of hell raisers like those two I have no idea, but bringing their parents to the brink of a stroke is sport to them. They enjoy watching them turn blue.”
She was quiet.
“They have a bet, you see, to see which twin can kill which parent first. Believe me, you can’t just walk into Edmond and Ana’s home and say, ‘Hi! I’m Melissa and I’m all banged up! By the way, I married your son this afternoon!’ They will have nothing of it, let me tell you!”
“What…what can I do then?” She sounded sincerely frightened.
“I’m going to do you a favour. I’m going to save you from what happened to me when Alex and Ollie decided the best thing to do was to drop a bomb on their parents laps and his father shouted until I was in tears,” I paid the grocer.
“What are you going to do?”
“I’m going to phone up his mum and I’m going to tell her myself!” I answered bravely as I left the store, “Believe me, you’ll be happy I did, too! I’ll do it straight away as soon as I hang up with you! Your phone may begin to ring the instant I’m through. Do not answer it yourself under any circumstances. Is Alexander there?”
“Yes.”
“Good. By the time he has time to want to ring me up and shout at me I’ll have done it.”
“Uh…ok.”
“Whatever his parent’s say, don’t take it personally. They’ll get over the shock. They always do sooner or later. Honestly, they’ll love you in a couple of hours, so just relax and make sure you keep that muffin safe.”
“What?”
“Your baby. Think of your baby and stay calm. It’s not going to be ugly if I do this right, but be ready if it goes bad. Oh, and you’ve been married more than a month, remember that!”
“OK.”
“Right then! Cheers!” I clicked the phone closed.
I walked to a bench and set down my groceries as I hit speed dial for my mother in law. She answered on the third ring. “Hello, Mummy!” I sang in my sweetest voice, “How are you?”
“I’m wonderful, Darling!” Her voice was light. I knew she'd probably been preparing all day for Xander and Melissa to arrive. She was blissfully in her hostess element. I bet the tea tray was already laid out. I almost hated to be the one to toss the grenade into her kitchen, “Xander is bringing his American girlfriend over to meet us tonight! I’m so excited to see him!”
“Yes, well, make sure you serve decaffeinated tea.”
“Oh? She doesn’t take caffeinated tea?”
“Oh, Mummy, don’t you know? All the doctors say a pregnant woman shouldn’t have caffeine!” Silence on the line. Dead, cold silence. “Mummy, are you there?”
“She’s…” Ana couldn’t say it. I never did understand why pregnant was a dirty word.
“Baking a muffin, yes!” I answered brightly, “But everything’s all right! They’re already married! Didn’t Xan tell you?”
“He said he had a surprise.” She muttered.
“Oh, stupid me! I’ve gone and ruined it!” Alexander was madly beeping in on my other line, “Yes, yes. They married a month ago or so and he didn’t want to tell you and break your heart that he’d denied you being there the way that Oliver and I had. He said he loved her so much he just couldn’t wait! Who am I to fault him for that when I did the same?” I rolled my eyes as far back in my head as I could and hung my tongue out.
“Oh, my,” There was a great amount of relief in her voice, “I’m shocked, but that was thoughtful of him since I couldn’t be there! I do wish I could have seen one of my sons married!”
“Oh, she’s beautiful, Mum. She looks like a Barbie doll. And very nice, too, I think. It’s hard to tell, though. She might be a toad.”
“She’s having a baby?”
“Full on baking, she is! But they just found out, quite a shock. Must have happened on their wedding night, yeah?” I leaned forward and pretended to vomit into my sack.
“Oh, how sweet!”
It was all I could do to hold back my disdain, but I had done it! Alex was still ringing me, “Oh, Mum, that’s Alex on the line. I should pick it up and tell him I’ve ruined his surprise!”
“Oh, tell him to ring me straight away!” She was terribly excited.
“I will. Speak soon, Mum. Cheers!” I clicked the line over, “Alex?”
“DAMN IT, SILVIA! I CAN’T BELIEVE IT! YOU DIDN’T JUST RING MY MUM!”
“OH, SHUT YOUR NOISE BEFORE I COME OVER AND KNOCK YOUR ROCKS, BOYO!” I yelled back, “YOUR MOTHER IS SO HAPPY SHE’S ABOUT TO POP!”
There was silence again. “What?”
“I told her you’ve been married a month and didn’t want to break her heart by telling her when she couldn’t be there to see her last remaining single son married! You just loved Melissa so fucking much you couldn’t wait to get her to the church! I almost threw up, Alexander! I even told her you felt terrible for hurting her like Oliver and I had. I told her that you only just found out that Melissa is baking a muffin and that Melissa is beautiful and wonderful and you’re both so happy you’re blowing bubbles out your bums! She got banged up the night you got married, I said! Can you believe your mother believed that rubbish?”
“You told her all of that?”
“I did! And do you know why?”
“Why?”
“I did it for you! Because you’re my brother and I love you and you’re so incredibly fucking stupid! Your bloody wife is pregnant! That’s why I did it! Because I treated her like the road the other night and I would never, never do anything to upset her again and have anything happen to that baby!” I was so angry I was drooling. Literally, slobber was flying all over. It was disgusting, which made me even more upset, “You are a thoughtless moron, Alexander Martin Dickinson! As if Melissa needed to go to that house and have your father scream at you two like he did when Oliver and I got married! And she DOES have a muffin! She was freaked out meeting the two of us! Do you want her to get so upset that she loses that baby like I lost mine?”
“I didn’t think about it like that.”
“You didn’t think at all, did you?”
“No. I’m sorry.”
“You should be, Fuckhead!”
“Fuckhead? Jeez, Silvia, are you feeling all right?”
“No! You are an arsehole, Alexander! You fuckhead!”
He ignored me, “So Mum’s… she’s happy?”
“Oh, yes! She wants you to phone straight away. When you do you better remember you just found out! You were married more than a month ago and you’re regretful that she wasn’t here! Tell her if it’s a girl you’ll put Ana in the name! Just make her happy!”
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