Figment - Jace Cameron - Страница 29
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The orchestra musicians seem to suddenly think he is the man in charge. One of them suggests he welcome the Duchess again, so they could play a great musical introduction.
The Pillar sniffs and repeats his welcome: "The one and only, woman of the year, whom all you morons are secretly afraid of, Margaret Kent!"
This time, music and light overwhelm the place. The crowd, either pressured or on their own will, stand up and clap for the Duchess.
Margaret Kent feels the pressure to stand up and greet her fans, her pursing lips growling at the Pillar. I don't think she wanted to be seen. She sneaked in, last minute. Is she looking for the Muffin Man too?
"Flowers!" the Pillar demands of the theatre's staff. "Where are the flowers?"
No one offers flowers. Why would they have flowers in a play? The Pillar changes strategies.
"Be seated, citizens," the Pillar says. They do so. "Now, do you think that our beloved Duchess—ah, I mean Parliament lady—is here for the sake of art? Of course she doesn't care about art," the Pillar continues. "She doesn't even care about theatre." The crowd's faces go red. Some of them sink deeper in their seats. "But she cares about you." Some of them rise back in their seats. "She loves you. She really does. And you know what she has in store for you?" He laughs. "Oh, no, don't be absurd. She's not going to chop off anyone's heads today. That would be the Queen of Hearts we're about to see in the play." The Pillar signals to the orchestra's drummer to hit the cymbals for effect. Most of the crowd laughs, uneasily. "Our beloved Margaret Kent has a surprise for you. And you know why? Because you are all sheep—I mean, obedient citizens who pay taxes and vote for her." His smile never weakens. "And because of that, she, on behalf of all prestigiously obnoxious members of Parliament, and on behalf of the Queen of England, and of course let's not forget Roman Yeskelitch, the man who lost his children's heads to an evil watermelon last week. On behalf of all of those, you're rewarded a lifetime's free meals at Duck N Donald's Trashburgers." He raises his hands, and a few kids clap. "And lifetime free drinks." His voice pitches even higher. "From Drink Dishit soda drinks." People stand up again and clap. "Lifetime free meals! Can you even imagine?"
Praises, claps, and moans as if they all won the lottery. The crowd goes crazy. What's with people's unconditional appreciation for food?
Again, the Duchess feels the need to comply and smile to her fans.
"And who do you thank for this?" The Pillar points up at the Duchess, who forcefully waves back to the appreciative audience. "You've gotta love Britain!" The Pillar's voice is barely audible among the crowd's praise. The Drury Lane Theatre turned into one great chaotic food market.
"Enjoy all the food you can eat." The Pillar raises his voice as much as possible in this madfest. "Enjoy all cholesterol, all the bad crabs, all the sugar and saturated fat! Get fat, people of Britain. Sugar your bellies. Beer away your minds. Forget about your Bill of Rights. Here is your Bill of Disease. Buy a ticket for your loon cancer. It's awesome to be insane!"
The Pillar, out of breath, taps his hat at the Duchess, who smiles in the face of the enemy. That fake politician smile.
The Pillar sits down, adjusts his clothes, and says, "Well, that was something." He smiles at me. I have to admit, I smile back. He might be a killer. He might be devious, and plagued by a lot of conspiracy theories, but I can't help but laugh. "So why were we here, again?"
Chapter 3 6
The play is actually entertaining, full of laughs and quirky moments. The acting is superb, very believable, and the production is top notch. They start with the "Down the Rabbit Hole" chapter where Alice meets the rabbit who is chubby and small and very funny. I have to admit the costumes are excellent enough that if you just buy into the fantasy, you wouldn't think of them as human actors portraying animals anymore.
I do squirm a bit in my seat when a mirror comes into the scene. Thank God we're sitting in the middle of the auditorium, far enough that the mirror has no effect on me.
"That Alice is horrible," the Pillar mumbles. "In the real book, she wore yellow, not blue. Blue is Disney's doing."
"You hate Disney."
"What makes you think that?" he whispers. "Jafar from Aladdin is my hero."
The next chapter, "The Pool of Tears," is superbly portrayed. There is an actual flood of water taking place on stage. I have no idea how they do it. The Pillar raises a suspicious eyebrow, as if telling me something is fishy here.
Still, the acting is amazing. The songs are enchanting. I like how the play is presented in a comedic way, not the morbid Alice world I live in.
The "Caucus Race" chapter follows. It's hilarious. When they start to dance in place, the Pillar can't resist moving his feet and cane to the music.
When the caterpillar chapter plays, the Pillar squirms in his seat. "That's not me," he mumbles. "Absolutely not."
Then he sits back and watches chapters four and five without much interest. He says he never liked those chapters.
Midway, the curtains pull to a close, announcing a break. Lights turn on again. A few sellers offer drinks during the break. There is a loud ice cream boy walking around, offering it for free. He isn't much welcomed by the elders, but the kids adore him.
A few people hurry to the Pillar's seat, asking for autographs. I think they believe him to be the Duchess' spokesman. I tilt my head up; the Duchess is gritting her teeth, although cameras aren't giving her a break to breathe.
The curtains pull open again, and now we're in for the much-loved "Pig and Pepper" chapter.
I don't know what is supposed to be so great about it. It's lame and boring. The Duchess, portrayed by an actress with brilliant makeup, is mad at her cook in this scene. Her cook, a peculiarly tall actor, even taller with the toque on his head, loves pepper in the strangest ways. He keeps adding pepper in the food and enjoys watching the Duchess' guests choking. Then he throws pepper in the air, chanting, "Peppa! More peppa!"
The crowd finds it amusing, actually.
Maybe I am not just in the mood, now that we have waited too long with no appearance of the Muffin Man. I look to my left, and the Pillar is as bored and puzzled as me. Are we here just to watch a play? It looks like we followed a wrong lead all along.
I take a deep breath and continue watching the performance on stage. Suddenly, someone is sitting on my right side. He grabs my hand and squeezes it, but I don't panic. It's a warm hand that I know and trust.
It's the ice cream boy. It's Jack Diamonds.
Chapter 3 7
"Hey," he whispers, sliding down in his chair and tightening the ice cream cap on his head. "I was thinking."
I say nothing. I am happy he is there. It's illogical. It doesn't make sense, but I can't fight the feeling.
"About what I said about marrying you," he says. "I can't."
"Why?" I raise an eyebrow, whispering, pretending to be surprised.
"It's not because I don't like you," he says. "I told you I am mad about you."
"You said that before, Jack."
"Saying it every morning won't express how I really feel." He squeezes my hand. "But it's just...I'm not ready for marriage."
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