Through the Zombie Glass - Showalter Gena - Страница 55
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“That’s not possible. I want you. And I know you warned me, told me not to even think about crawling back. I know I messed up in the worst possible way, something I can promise you will never happen again. I know, but I’m still coming after you with everything I’ve got.”
I might have sobbed.
Third step, the hardest. “Cole—”
“Shh, baby. Please. Listen to me. You’re a part of me, and I’ll take whatever you’re willing to give me, for however long you’re willing to give it.” He rushed on, adding, “I’ve walked away from a lot of girls. Sometimes it hurt. Sometimes it didn’t. But I always got over it, and thought I was better for it. I haven’t gotten over you, Ali, and I’m definitely not better. I need you. Please,” he repeated.
Another attempt at that third step. “No,” I whispered. Together, we were a roller coaster. Up and down, up and down. Sometimes you just had to stay off the ride. “My answer is no.”
He wasn’t deterred. “I gave up too easily, and I’m not making that mistake again. I should have fought for you, just like you said. I realize that now. I didn’t trust you. Well, I’m going to trust you now, because I can’t live with the results of not trusting you.”
As he spoke, every word wrapped in longing, he leaned forward, toward me. I absorbed the words, such beautiful, needed words. Soothing words. I wanted so badly to meet him halfway.
Tears filled my eyes, spilled over. Fourth step. The final. “I’m sorry. I can’t. I just can’t.”
“Baby, don’t cry. It hurts me to know I’ve upset you.” He wiped the droplets away with his thumb. “Okay, we won’t talk about this right now.” He drew in a breath, released it. “Let’s talk about the spy.”
Definitely sobbed. “Yes. Okay.”
“I know we suspect Gavin and Veronica—”
“I don’t,” I said, doing my best to remain calm. “Everything inside me says they’re innocent.”
He nodded. “Okay. I told you I trust you, and I do. I will. In everything, in every way.”
I...didn’t know what to say.
I gulped.
“That leaves Kat, Reeve and Ethan,” he added, filling the silence.
“Ethan is the only unknown.”
“Then we’ll start with him.”
We, he’d said.
A waft of air hit me, and I shivered with cold.
“May I hold you?” he asked.
I tried to say no, I really did. “Yes.” I’d had a last kiss. Now I would have a last embrace.
He climbed into bed with me, gathered me against him.
I’d missed him. I’d missed this. His warmth enveloped me, and his strength soothed me.
Meaningless...
Right.
“We found your phone in the woods when we swept the area for more photos. You can text your grandmother.” He pulled the device from his pocket.
I accepted gratefully and shot Nana a text to tell her I was okay, I loved her and I would be home by eleven, just as Cole had promised. Her response was immediate. Don’t ever worry me like that again.
Me: Will try my best.
“Ask me something,” Cole said after I’d set the phone on the cart beside the bed.
“Like what?” I said, confused.
“Anything you want to know. You ask, and I’ll answer. I want you to get to know me better. Before, you said we didn’t know each other well enough, that the vision brought us together.”
Carte blanche? Yes, please. So sure this is meaningless? “Who was your first time?” I asked.
He snorted, saying, “Wow, okay. You aren’t messing around, are you? And just so you know, I don’t usually discuss these kinds of details with anyone. For you, though... I was fifteen, and she was twenty-one, the daughter of one of my mother’s friends. I lasted about five seconds.”
I tried to swallow my giggles, failed. “Ugh, I shouldn’t be laughing at your extremely poor seduction skills. Because, Cole, that pervy woman totally took advantage of your childhood innocence.”
He barked out a laugh, the sound rusty but so danged welcome. “You are too adorable for words.”
“Why? It’s true.”
“Maybe.”
Not maybe. “If a twenty-one-year-old man had sex with me when I was fifteen, would you be laughing?”
He instantly sobered. “Okay. Point taken.”
“Tell me her name. I’m going to track her down and knock her teeth down her throat.”
“As hot as that is, no. She’s part of a past I’d now like to forget. But...I’m glad you never slept with anyone. I don’t like the thought of you with anyone else, probably would have fed the fuc—uh, the guys more than teeth.”
Must resist this possessive, charming side of him. “Do I get another question?”
“You get as many as you want.”
He sounded determined.
I’d probably make him regret that.
“Did you sleep with Veronica?”
He stiffened, but he didn’t hesitate to answer. “Yes. But it was over a year ago, when we were dating.”
“Mackenzie?”
“Yes. Months ago, for a little while after we’d stopped dating. Then I met you, and that was over.”
“Others?”
“Yes. You want the exact number?”
“No,” I grumbled. Yes. Maybe. “Am I the only girlfriend not to go all the way with you?”
“No,” he said. “But I wouldn’t change anything about what we’ve done—and haven’t done. I wanted—want—you ready for me, not sleeping with me because it’s supposedly expected. I would wait forever for you.”
Oh, glory, this totally meant something.
Are you sure you need to resist him? “Yes, well. You might have to.” I cleared my throat. “Next, I have an observation rather than a question.”
His arms tightened around me. “Go on.”
“Sometimes you call Mackenzie and Veronica by cutesy nicknames. Kenz and Ronny. It’s hurtful to the girl you’re with.”
“Do I?” He toyed with the ends of my hair. “I hadn’t realized. It’s a habit, I guess. We all parted as friends.”
“Well, we didn’t,” I pointed out, now a little hurt by that, too. “I mean, we tried, but it clearly wasn’t working.”
He pressed his lips together to cut off a...frown? Smile? “A. Dor. A. Bull. Baby, I still wanted you, still considered you mine and didn’t want to share you with Gavin. There was no way I could be friendly about it.”
Dying here...
He kissed my temple. “Enough chatting. We’ve got two and a half hours before I have to drive you home, and I want you rested. If you’re feeling better by Thursday night, I plan to take you to a party to celebrate the Tigers’ winning football season. Since we don’t have school on Friday, everyone always kicks off the four-day weekend early.”
A chance to act normal. “I’ll go to the party, one way or another. And I’m not tired.”
He chuckled. “Sure you’re not. Your eyelids are already half-closed.”
“No, they’re...”
I don’t remember finishing that sentence.
* * *
I woke up in Cole’s arms.
The alarm on my phone had gone off. He must have set it before he’d fallen asleep. He never even twitched, his expression relaxed, almost boyish, and I smiled as a deep well of affection spilled over. Looking at him now, no one would ever suspect his violent nightly activities.
Trina sat beside the bed, reading a book. When I stirred, she glanced up and said, “About time,” and closed the cover. Dare You To, by Katie McGarry. “I want you to know I was upset when I saw the video of you going after Cole so viciously. I still don’t understand it, but I’m sorry I never gave you a chance to explain.”
“Thank you,” I said, and I meant it.
Mackenzie strode into the room. “Heard voices,” she said. Then, “Hey.”
“Hey,” I replied.
“You look better.”
“Thanks.”
Cole stirred, stretched.
“Okay, time for us to go bye-bye.” Trina stood.
“But I just got here,” Mackenzie complained.
Trina gave her a push toward the exit. “Ali, do yourself a favor and take a shower before he wakes up. Like, seriously.”
Was I that bad?
The two strode from the room. I eased from the bed and nearly toppled to the floor as my knees shook under my weight. There was a bathroom around the corner, and though I was nervous about looking into the mirror, I did it.
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